About this episode
Today I’d like to go through exactly what an ex boyfriend is thinking during every single day of a no contact rule.
A few stipulations though,
I want to use the most common version of no contact, the 30 day rule, as a guinea pig.
After spending the better part of a day outlining I think the best way to tackle this complex problem is by looking at it in phases.
Specifically these six phases,
Days 1-5 (Separation Elation Phase)
Days 6- 10 (The Wonder/Annoyance Phase)
Days 11-15 (The Anger Phase)
Days 16 – 20 (The Dyadic Phase)
Days 21 – 25 (The Realization Phase)
Days 25 – 30 (The Acceptance Phase)
You’ll notice if you are an avid reader of this site that this article bears a striking resemblance to this one. I’m writing this article in a way so that the two can be used simultaneously to compliment one another.
Though this particular article is far more interested in the actual thoughts an ex will have when the no contact rule is being done on them.
Enough chit chat, let’s begin!
Days 1 – 5 (Separation Elation Phase)
The biggest misconception that people have about the no contact rule is that by enacting it an ex will suddenly grow anxious and blow up their phone trying to reconcile.
And sure, I’ve seen it happen before. I mean, come on, we’ve all seen it before. Stuff like this goes around in our Facebook group all day,
But our research has shown that this is actually the exception to the rule. In fact, most exes don’t even contact you at all during a no contact and that’s ok.
Instead, what’s most likely to happen is what I’ve coined the “separation elation” phase.
This is taken directly from attachment style research. Well, specifically attachment style research for avoidants.
Pulling a quote from my favorite avoidant resource, Free To Attach,
After a relationship ends, people with an avoidant attachment style tend not to show much anxiety or distress, often feeling an initial sense of relief at the relinquishing of obligations and the sense that they are regaining their self-identity, and not tending to initially miss their partner – this is “separation elation” as the pressure to connect is gone.
So, in the early stages of no contact, specifically in the first five days what you’ll probably see isn’t an ex who is deeply saddened bu
