About this episode
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Nicole McNichols, psychologist, professor at the University of Washington, and author of You Could Be Having Better Sex, for one of the most honest, research-backed conversations we've ever had about sex, intimacy, and connection in long-term marriage. This isn't about sex positions, tricks, or "trying harder." It's about why good marriages lose momentum over time, how pressure and expectations quietly kill desire, and why emotional connection is often the real foreplay. Dr. Nicole breaks down why scheduling sex can backfire, how shame and guilt around sex are learned early, and how curiosity—not performance—creates the kind of intimacy couples actually crave. I also share personal stories from my own marriage about connection, timing, and why mediocre sex just to "check the box" no longer works. If you want a healthier, more connected sex life, this episode gives you a roadmap grounded in science and real-life experience. Timeline Summary [0:00] Why this episode isn't about sex positions or tricks [1:26] Introducing Dr. Nicole McNichols and her background [2:09] Why scheduling sex can quietly backfire [2:36] How pressure and expectation kill intimacy [2:58] Emotional connection as the real foreplay [3:36] Why intimacy dates matter more than sex calendars [5:18] How Dr. Nicole became a "sex professor" by accident [6:10] Loneliness, disconnection, and the role of sexual health [7:08] Shame, stigma, and misinformation around sex—especially for women [9:14] Why healthy sex improves forgiveness, health, and longevity [10:25] The failure of shame-based sex education [12:10] Countries with sex-positive education and better outcomes [13:18] Identifying the sources of shame we carry into marriage [15:09] Why sex shouldn't be the first thing sacrificed in busy seasons [16:07] Why conversations about sex should happen with clothes on [17:00] Using curiosity instead of pressure to improve intimacy [18:11] Announcement: Dad Edge Alliance February focus on intimacy and attraction [20:03] Curiosity vs. agenda in hard conversations [21:17] Why scheduling sex alone doesn't work [22:09] Creating the right context and mood for intimacy [23:24] Sexual effort that creates pressure instead of desire [24:55] Emotional lead-up and responsive desire [26:01] Initiation–rejection cycles and resentment [27:23] "Intimacy dates" and reconnecting outside the bedroom [29:11] Larry shares a personal s
