About this episode
Is quitting alcohol just about the drink itself, or is there something deeper at play? Anna Donaghey sits down with trauma-informed healer Emma Lyons, founder of The Trauma Matrix, to explore how shame hides beneath so many of our habits, including drinking, and keeps us stuck in self-judgment, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you’ve ever felt that gnawing ‘not enough’ feeling, or wondered why cutting back on booze feels so hard, this episode will help you see what’s really fueling the urge and give you powerful new tools for release.Here are the Highlights:00:00 Introduction: Why releasing alcohol requires releasing shame02:08 Meet Emma Lyons04:49 Family scapegoat, inherited shame & the roots of addiction07:54 Why therapy doesn’t work until you address shame09:00 Shame vs. guilt: The toxic cocktail that attacks our sense of self12:40 Manipulation, compliance, and the gaslighting of “for your own good”13:39 How shame hijacks the body and drives coping strategies17:16 Shame shuts down empathy19:37 Narcissists, repression, and the Velcro effect of internalised shame22:01 Scapegoats, golden children, and not being yourself25:54 Imposter syndrome, perfectionism and anxiety are all just shame with better PR28:43 Numbing shame with alcohol30:51 How not-enoughness fuels drinking32:01 Why shame is always toxic and why society says otherwise35:41 How children can pick up parental shame, accidentally and unconsciously38:39 Drinking to numb, feeling flawed, and repeating the pattern39:31 You can’t bully shame into submission48:17 What happens when shame is released48:42 Why alcohol loses its job when shame no longer needs numbing49:28 Where to find Emma Lyons (+free gift for listeners)Anna’s group coaching community ‘Unstuck!’ helps identify your alcohol ‘stories’ and beliefs, breaking the cycle of alcohol and all the shame that goes with it. For more information and to find out how to join, please follow this link: https://www.winetowatercoaching.com/unstuck-1 To further explore your relationship with alcohol, check out Anna’s self-guided programme, The Big Drink Rethink Experiment: https://www.thebeliefscoach.com/the-big-drink-rethink-experimentAnd apply the code POD99 to purchase for just £99 as a podcast listener.If you’re loving the podcast and would like to give Anna a warm, fuzzy feeling of appreciation, then you can buy her a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/bi
