About this episode
Covert emotional abuse is difficult to identify. If you’re wondering if you’re husband is using covert emotional abuse, here’s what you need to know.
To discover if your husband is emotionally abusive, take this free emotional abuse quiz.
Anne Blythe, M.Ed. Host of The FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast, talks to Nadira, a member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery community about her husband’s covert emotional abuse.
6 Examples of Covert Emotional Abuse
Covert Emotional Abuse Is A Lack Of Consideration
Neglect Is Covert Emotional Abuse
Secret Pornography Use Is Covert Emotional Abuse
Lying Is Covert Emotional Abuse
Covert Emotional Abuse Looks Nice and Kind
If It’s Covert Emotional Abuse, There Will Be No Resolution
Covert Emotional Abuse Is Dangerous Because It’s Invisible
Covert abusers are often charming, confident, and seem to speak and act in a gentle and polite manner. It can be terrifying for victims to suddenly realize that the inconsistent cruelty and confusion they experience is abuse.
Men who covertly abuse women don’t always hit, yell, break things, or lash out. Instead, the abuse is more subtle and hard to pin down. This makes covert abusers appear “normal” and makes victims feel crazy, overly-sensitive, and nit-picky. The reality, of course, is that victims are often under reacting to the gaslighting, manipulation, and crazy-making they are experiencing.
Covert Abusers Lie – And Put Victims In Serious Danger
Because abusive men usually lie about their sexual behaviors, including exploitative materials use and affairs. Women are in serious danger of STD infection. When men lie about their behavior, or withhold information, they commit coercion.
Coercion is an umbrella term for partner rape and sexual abuse. Women are victims of coercion if they don’t have the information they need to give informed consent before contact.
When women have contact without knowing the truth about their partner’s use, past and/or current partner(s), STDs, compulsive masturbation, or other behaviors, they become at-risk for STDs and STIs, exploitation, and the intense trauma that accompanies betrayal.
Covert Abusers Normalize Abuse By Harming Victims Quietly
One of the most dangerous aspects of covert abuse is the way it is gradually intensified and normalized by abusers.
Covert abusers are master-manipulators and often have more self-control than physical batterers. Because of this, they can slowly groom victims into accepting abuse as normal – and even feel grateful during the brief periods when their partner is not inflicting psychological damage.
